Unfriendly Welcome
by keeperofcoldtoes
Summary: Didn't Zim destroy Mars?  Yet, a martian by the name of Marvin appears and he intends to destroy the earth.  Zim's not happy about this and Marvin's not too impressed with Zim's attitude.  Oh well, violence solves everything, right?
1. Hello

Yay! New story! Boy do I love crossovers. I rediscovered my love for Marvin the Martian here lately and was shocked to find that there wasn't any crossovers featuring these characters. I was so shocked, I had to remedy it immediately! So here ya' go.

Note: Zim isn't much different from how he is in the show, but due to the time period Zim lives in and some things in the show, I took a few liberties with Marvin. He's somewhat of a mix of how he is the good old cartoons and the show Duck Dodgers. I did draw alot about Marvin from the Duck Dodger's show, but you don't have to know anything about it in order to understand and enjoy the story.

Disclaimer: I own a Gir plushy and a Marvin figurine. Does that count for anything? No? Well, then I don't own Invader Zim or the Looney Tunes. Shucks.

* * *

"Warning! Unidentified space craft heading into earth's orbit!"

Zim turned away from his console in surprise, dropping a laser in the process. He should really have known better than to get so distracted in his work. Someone a little less harmless than his computer could have snuck up on him, such as Gir with a radioactive taco. "Whaaat?" he yelled furiously at Computer, "Who is it?"

There was a short silence, "It's . . . uh, unidentified," the computer repeated.

Zim hummed in thought, brainstorming on whether or not he was expecting visitors. A moment of paranoia made him consider on whether it was Sizz-Lor coming back to drag him to Foodcourtia again, but his mind quickly repressed the memories before they could fully form, "Could it be that the Tallests have sent me weapons or supplies? Perhaps they forgot to inform me of its arrival."

"No," the computer said bluntly, "Our new scanners would have picked up on any Irken ship signatures."

He practically growled in frustration. Unless by some miracle, the craft was some wayward snack supply ship, he wasn't going to treat it with any benevolence.

"How long until it reaches orbit?"

"No more than thirty seconds."

Zim went to the monitor and pulled up camera feeds from the moon. The screen showed a triangular shaped ship heading toward the planet.

Why were they here? Could they be meaning to land on earth and interfere with his plans, or perhaps something as innocent as using the earth's orbit to slingshot and save ship energy?

Zim quickly tossed the idea out of his head. If that were the case, they could have used any other planet in the galaxy instead of the only one that had life on it. Besides, he noticed, the ship had just entered orbit and wasn't slowing down.

"Hail the ship!"

The computer seemed to sigh, "Fine."

Not seconds later, a video feed appeared on the main screen and Zim was met with the sight of the newcomer.

The first thing that ran through his mind was the question on why a cleaning drone was piloting a ship. The second, was that this pilot was definitely not irken. And third, clearly wasn't holding any snacks that would indicate a captain taking full advantage of the fact that he was carrying a shipment of goodies.

Any other thoughts of disapproval were interrupted by the alien's voice, "Greetings earthling."

Zim sputtered in rage, "Er-earthling! How dare you speak to an irken invader that way!"

"Irken?"

From what Zim could tell from the limited amount of facial features, the other looked surprised for a moment, then to an expression of sudden clarity, "My apologies for the misassumption. My monitor is malfunctioning at the moment and it's hard to determine appearances when everything is in black and white. But what is an irken doing on this planet?"

Deciding to forgive the other for an understandable case of the stupid, Zim answered, "I am Invader Zim, and I was sent to conquer this planet. Now tell me, who are you and why are you in irken territory?"

"I'm Marvin from the planet Mars. However, if what you say is tru-"

"Wait wait wait waaaait," Zim shook his head, "You can't be from Mars. You look nothing like aliens from there! Not to mention that I destroyed the planet ages ago!"

Marvin had that bewildered expression again, this one lasting longer than before, and Zim briefly relished in his ability to impress others with his amazing skills. Wait, was that a hint of anger in the alien's expression? It was hard to tell.

"I see . . . So that's what happened to it," the other said slowly, "However, my planet is the original Mars. That other one was just an experiment, and a backup that another species chose to inhabit."

Zim blinked. Planet backups weren't a new idea. There were a handful of worlds that wished or needed to create one, but to undertake such a thing was unheard of. No matter what manner they were created with, the procedures were always too complex and on such large scale that it was practically impossible. Except for the Irkens, undoubtedly, but why make one when you can just take one?

"Suuuuure," Zim drawled, "Then where's your planet?"

"I cannot give such information."

In other words, he had no proof, "So why are you here anyway? The monkeys on this planet don't know about aliens, but if your ship gets closer, then they're going to notice. "

"Do not worry, I am going to park the ship on the dark side of the moon until preparations are complete," Marvin explained, "Before that happens, I suggest you move off planet."

Zim could hardly believe the audacity of the alien, "Move? I'm not going anywhere! This is where I was stationed and I'm not leaving because some cleaning drone with no authority told me to!"

Marvin fumed, "Now see here Irken, you are making me very, very angry. I merely gave a suggestion. If you wish to stay on the planet when I blow it up, then by all means do so."

"Blow it up?" Zim shouted in disbelief, "You can't do that!"

The alien further affirmed, "I can and will. So if you have any sense, you will move."

"I've been placed here and I'm not going to move, so if you blow up the world, it will be nothing short of a declaration of war!"

Marvin gave him a hardened gaze, "Unless, of course, you decide to move right before the planet explodes. If not, then it could take months for your people to find out what happened, and by the time they do, they will have lost interest in the affair or realized that the loss of one person isn't worth going to war."

Zim grinded his teeth with a growl. It was true. No matter how skillful and invaluable he was to the empire, he was still just one irken. If he was killed then there wouldn't be any repercussions on the ones responsible when, or if, the information arrived. The empire wouldn't risk further loss by tossing themselves in a war against another planet over something so minuscule.

Of course, the fact that this planet still existed was debatable, but it didn't change the fact that Marvin planned to blow up Earth with himself on it. Zim had no misgivings of this so-called martian's capabilities of destroying the planet, and would do so unless Zim did something.

"But there are many more irkens here!" Zim bluffed, "Loads of us! The empire won't give you any mercy if you kill us all and destroy our operation! Why do you want to destroy this planet anyway? Sure, it's a horrid dirt-ball of a planet, but it's far too primitive to cause trouble."

The martian looked skeptical, "True or not, remove yourself and any others from the area. If you don't, rest assured that Mars is more than capable of going to war. It's nothing personal, it's just that my queen has commanded this planet's destruction and it also blocks the view of Venus."

"Well don't think that you'll be able to do anything to this planet while Zim is here!" he declared, "The only one who's allowed to destroy earth is me! I won't let you snatch away my job and my glory. Surrender now or I will unleash horrible doom upon you and your ship!"

He didn't spend years of toil on this filthy backwater planet, only to return to the Empire as a failure. If he went there without success, they would likely banish or kill him. After all, if a task was too difficult for an irken to undertake, then he would die in action. To go back without carrying out orders to completion was the sign of a lazy and incompetent irken, and nothing incompetent stayed in the Empire for long.

Marvin ignored most of what he said, almost as if he heard these things frequently, "You say you wish to destroy Earth? I thought you wanted to conquer it."

"I am to destroy it if the planet proves to be a serious threat to the Empire. Otherwise I must conquer it and prepare it for the arrival of the Tallests for them to decide what to do with it. Things I cannot do if you blow it up! Now surrender! If not, I'll unleash my robot on you," he said with such seriousness, you would have thought that the robot must have been some frightening behemoth with the ability to deatomitize your body just be being in its presence.

"Do what you will Irken," Marvin said indifferently, "but you should make arrangements for your departure. Once you leave, you will not be able to return."

The transmission was cut with an ominous beep.

Zim snorted, "Hah! The fool thinks that he is mightier than the Almighty Zim? I will show him who has the mightiest might!"

He dashed down the corridors of his base, collecting what he deemed necessary and giving Computer specific instructions to guard the base. The martian didn't tell him when he planned to have his demolition, only that he had preparations to make, so Zim had to hope he wasn't wasting time by gathering items. It wouldn't do any good for the planet to crumble beneath his feet getting that extra thing when he should have been clawing the alien's eyes out.

Despite his hurry, he took his time with making sure his pak was battle ready, less DVD burning capabilities and more lasers. He was sure he would come out victorious, but the drone's ship was large. Big enough to carry many less-than-friendly additions.

Striding through the base, looking for anything else that may be useful, and half-heartedly looking for Gir, he wondered if he really should bring the robot. Gir could be handy on rare occasions, since his destructive nature was sometimes what Zim needed, but even still, he was more of a hindrance.

After another moment of debate, Zim decided that it would be best if Gir stayed at the base. He'd probably blow it up in the process, but so long as the earth was intact, he could build another. Besides, he needed someone at his base to (potentially) distract Dib long enough to keep him from taking pictures, or stealing his inventions, like his animal translator or his irken-style waffle mix.

Maybe he should take some for a sna-

No. He wouldn't have time for it. As a matter of fact, he'd better go soon. Maybe the alien thought he would take a while to get there, if that was the case, it would certainly be easier.

He'd just have victory waffles when he got back.

Before he left, he had to make sure to hail the Tallests, to give them a report on the situation. He half-heartedly sent out the signal, but as usual, the only transmission that came through was the words: "Out to lunch".

oOo

Marvin cut the transmission and turned to his dog, K-9, "What do you think of that, hm? The sheer gall. I suppose it's no matter. When he comes he will realize that martians are a force to be reckoned with."

K-9 nodded quickly while Marvin entered in the codes to warm up the systems he needed. It would take a couple of hours before they were ready, and then a few more to configure the settings.

Sensing that Marvin's business was done, K-9 set his head on his master's lap. Marvin patted him absent-mindedly.

Marvin did worry on the fact that irkens had reached this solar system. Of course, Mars had its share of conquest, but irkens were a very serious matter. He wasn't very familiar with their species since they were located very far away in the universe, but being a large threat, he knew of them somewhat. It was an incredible distance for one to have come to so far, something that he wasn't expecting in the least before he realized that the creature was, in fact, irken. Usually when one came across an irken, it was a low caste individual or a criminal that had escaped the Empire.

He supposed that it was foolish to offer mercy to the irken and advise him to leave. While it wasn't definite if more irkens would come if Zim returned to his planet, it wasn't something that should be given the chance to occur.

He realized that if he didn't detain or exterminate this Zim, and the irkens decided to further extend their power, they could easily spread to this galaxy like a plague. While it was true when he said that martians were very capable of warfare, he wouldn't allow an unnecessary war to happen if Irk decided to destroy his planet. Perhaps he should interrogate the irken and find out more about the intentions of his superiors.

With this thought, he put his centurion robots on alert and calibrated his ship for battle. He spent the rest of his time fiddling with his controls and making sure that everything ran smoothly, K-9 still lazing on him.

After a surprisingly short timeframe of less than an hour, Marvin's sensors showed that something had hit his force field. The puzzling thing was, there was no ship in sight.

oOo

He could see the ship. It hovered behind the moon, following its orbit so it remained hidden to the earthlings.

From what the scanners at his base indicated, it was big, but looking at it now, Zim knew that the scanners weren't really able to convey how _big_ it was. It wasn't mother ship sized, but it could easily transport an army, supplies, and more.

Zim frowned, his console indicated that the motion sensors were picking up something.

From inside the ship.

He turned his head so fast that something popped. He peeked out from behind his seat, antenna lowered. He wasn't anywhere close to the martian's ship, so he shouldn't be expecting anything dangerous for some time. Unless the alien was more advanced than he thought. Although, it could just be something from earth that accidentally wiggled its way into his ship. Maybe a cricket or a rodent.

He felt the pressure change on the other side of the seat. He stiffened.

Spinning quickly, he pulled free the first weapon his hand came in contact with and aimed it at the intruder while his other hand shot forward and gripped the being with a bruising force.

He was met with a pair of cerulean eyes.

A loud squeal met his antenna, "You BOINGY, mastah?"

"Gir!" Zim snapped, surprise quickly turning to anger, "What are you doing here? I thought you were at the base!" He shoved the little robot off the seat and Gir hit the floor with a loud clunk.

The android's constant joyous grin momentarily became a pout, but quickly returned and was reinforced, "I was nappin with my turtle, see?" Gir pulled out a brown turtle from hammerspace and presented it to his master, the small creature waving it's feet in vain as it met air.

"I . . . see," Zim said with a sigh, "Alright, if you're going to be here you might as well do something useful."

Gir nodded his head fiercely, practically bouncing with giddiness.

"Go, uh . . . stare at that wall," Zim pointed to the wall behind Gir that was barely two feet away. The insane robot leapt to it, spreading his arms on it like a large embrace. The squirming turtle didn't seem to care much for the group hug.

"We's gonna be best friends!"

The order might not be considered as very helpful, but he'd been trying different commands on Gir to see if he would react ideally. Telling Gir not to do things that Zim really wanted him to do worked a lot better than telling him to actually _do_ things. However, it wasn't foolproof and he found that distracting the robot with inane things sometimes worked. Zim hoped that he would be able to find a way to make Gir always listen to him, but he doubted that such a thing existed. In fact, he was currently researching to see if there was some scientific law that made this impossible. Zim did know though, that if it did happen, the universe would break.

Seated back at the control, the martian ship loomed ahead of him, larger than before. Zim's ship was small and despite the decrease in distance, he knew that unless the martian had some sophisticated technology, if he was spotted, his ship could easily be passed on as space debris.

Satisfied with the evaluation, he sharply turned his voot toward the moon. The ship disappeared from his view as Zim flew to the moon's lighter side. He had no worries about discovery since the only thing that could possibly spot him would be a large telescope, and then only for an instant.

He slipped beneath the moon. The martian likely suspected him to come up from below, but it was the better option.

When he spotted the large ship again, Zim flew at full speed, making a dash for the underside of the ship. As he got closer and the alien's ship wasn't just hovering but _looming_ above him, his hands made a mad surge of movement over the controls, activating all kinds of different programs aimed at the ship before him in order to analyze as much as possible now that they were in range.

It was when he had gotten many reports saying that everything was in the clear and he was about a quarter of a mile from the ship that a last report came in saying that there was some kind of energy surrounding the ship.

Zim tried to stop the cruiser. He managed to turn it with some success, but he was going too fast.

BAAAZUMP! KRSHH-PSH!

His ship ricocheted violently from the impact. The windshield had crumpled in like paper while the hull got some nasty dents and tears.

Zim knew that he should be grateful for the fact the ship didn't get vaporized from the force field, but all he could bear to think about was the fact that it felt like every bone in his body was crushed.

"Master!" Zim heard the alarmed tone of Gir. If he was in his normal state, he might have found the tone almost endearing, but he was too busy focused on the fact that he had a terrible headache and his spine felt like someone had tried to bend him with a pretzel in mind.

"Gir?" Zim said from the floor of the voot, where the impact had thrown him.

The clang of metal footsteps was heard and Gir came into view, his chest plate cracked and body littered with dents. The turtle was clutched tightly in his arms, hidden deep within its shell.

"Need hug?" Gir offered.

"No," he said flatly, hugging was the last thing he wanted, "Gir, tell me, do I look like a pretzel?"

If Zim didn't think that he probably had a concussion, he would have thought that Gir actually seemed to _think_ about his answer, "Do I get a prize if I say no?"

Zim might have laughed, using the excuse of brain damage, if Gir didn't soon after state, "You're eye got broke-ed though."

So that's why everything looked weird, "Damn eye hasn't stayed in properly since the first time it came out. Gir, check the status of the ship, see if you can move it, and keep a look outside and tell me if you see anything."

Gir briefly turned red and saluted, "Yes, my master!" He immediately pushed the window back in place and operated the console, proving to Zim that today was going to be one of those rare days.

Zim wiggled his hands, feet, and antenna, and was deeply annoyed to find that his left arm was broken and his antenna not moving as they should. Done with his assessment, he took no time shoving his eye back in place with a sickening squelch. He rose to his feet as quickly as his body would allow.

Wobbling slightly and using the far wall for support, he managed to make it to his feet without any mishaps, bones groaning and popping in complaint. His spine wasn't broken, but he wouldn't be surprised if it was cracked or at least bruised, but maybe a rib was busted. He noticed that he seemed to be bleeding somewhere from his head, but he wasn't sure where.

Medical attention could wait till later though, he didn't feel the cruiser moving and if they didn't move soon, they were going to get captured. He briefly wondered how the alien got ahold of shielding technology. What most had now was a far cry from what he hit. He should know, he used to research it when he was a scientist.

He shook his head to clear it, but it only succeeded in making him dizzy. Doing it to clear your head was pretty stupid anyway, seeing that irkens had most of their mind in their pak, but he supposed that he must have picked it up from watching the humans.

He turned to Gir, "How's the-," he started, but paused at the sight of half a dozen robots filling up the view from the window.

Zim said distantly, "Gir, I told you tell me if you saw anything."

Gir giggled as he waved at the robots outside, "Robots aren't things!" he declared.

* * *

Yes, Zim's a tough cookie. It's canon. You don't see Dib losing eyeballs, but Zim can take it. If he can break his spine and be able to walk by the next episode, then he can afford to get a little beaten up. Overall, I think I really like doing stuff with action. I've never really done it before, but man is it fun! Usually, I don't make a chapter much larger than 2,000 words, but this is at least seventy-five percent larger. It's easier when your listening to epic music like Two Steps from Hell, Clint Mansell, and E.S. Posthumus. Awesome stuff.

Tell me if you find any plot holes or grammar errors. Also, this is going to be a fairly short story, so tell me if you find it good and interesting, because I may consider writing a sequel or something. :D Maybe you can refer to me some epic battle music to help my muse, hm?

Merry Christmas! I'll have the next (and possibly last) chapter out soon!


	2. Toes

Wow. Crossovers don't really get alot of publicity, do they? It's been about a week or so since I posted this story and it's got 20 hits. At least two of those are mine. I know the reasons why, and I didn't expect it to get alot of views in the first place, but maaaaan . . . that's annoying. I guess it's because it has to do with the Looney Tunes, which doesn't have much popularity here. Not that people don't like it, it's just that no one really wants to read fiction on it. Hmmm . . . Guess, I'll have to make up for it by making sure this fic is super-special-awesome.

I wanted to get this chapter out before Christmas, but it didn't really work out because I got incredibly destracted. Not from Christmas preparations, although that had a large hand in it, but for the past several days I've been getting into intense IZ discussions with people from OHP or IZFAS. Would you believe I had never heard of them two weeks before? To sum it up, I got really excited over both and a large portion of each day is dedicated to just talking. Really interesting stuff, but somewhat tiring. Early onset carpal tunnel, here I come!

* * *

One of the centurions approached Marvin, ignoring K-9 when he was given a cautionary sniff. Marvin took a brief moment to try to remember which robot it was. It must have been a newer one, because he could barely tell the difference between the older ones that had identifying scratches and dents. He struggled to come up with a name, but drew a blank.

"Sir, we have apprehended the culprits and they are being sent to the holding cells."

"How?" he asked, befuddled, "I didn't see a ship approaching."

The robot explained, "It was a small ship and it tried to avoid notice by coming up from under us. We're not sure why the sensors didn't pick up on it in the beginning, but they did well enough to tell us when the ship hit our shield."

Marvin snorted, hardly believing that someone was stupid enough to hit a force field head-on, "Our scanners are made to pick up on energy and large objects. Perhaps their ships are powered by something we're not used to. Still, I suppose I overestimated him. How many others were with him?"

"Two others. A robot and some kind of small, shelled creature. It took us a while to catch the robot."

"How dangerous are the two?"

The centurion took a moment to process his answer, "We're largely sure that the shell creature is harmless, but the robot can be dangerous. He acted friendly at first, and then he set M-2's helm on fire. We're certain that he's malfunctioning though and should be harmless if contained."

"Oh dear," Marvin laughed lightly, despite the fact that he'd been on the receiving end of fiery helmets more than once, "And the irken?"

"He was injured in the crash, but it didn't hold him back much when we were capturing him. He has a head injury and a broken arm, but the curious thing is that he has some sort of device on his back."

"What do you think it is? Haven't you removed it yet?"

The centurion seemed perplexed, "Well, it has some kind of gadgetry, as far as we can tell, but we can't get it off because it seems to be attached to his spine, so we're putting some sealant on it."

"You didn't try to remove it, did you?" He didn't like the alien, but he would never wish paralysis on him.

The centurion seemed nervous, as if debating on whether he should tell the truth or not. Ultimately, he answered, "When we brought him into the bay and cornered him, someone grabbed the device and pulled on it, wanting to disarm him. When that happened, we knew it had to have been latched onto his spine because he started yelling and sort of went limp."

Marvin cringed at the thought of having machinery attached your spine. Although, it wasn't the fact that it was attached to the spine that gave him shivers, it was the thought of someone trying to take it off. He was certain that the irken couldn't have been pleased about it. He was about to chastise the robot, but the other waved his metal arms quickly to show that he wasn't done, "He's alright though. A few minutes later, he could move and doesn't seem to be in a lot of pain. In fact, he's pretty lively."

Marvin nodded, pleased that the irken seemed well enough to question, "Treat him, but leave out anything that's not serious. If he wants to be comfortable, he can tell us what we want first." He was admittedly still miffed at the irken's earlier attitude, "I'll be there shortly."

The robot saluted and hovered off to attend the prisoner, leaving Marvin to keep puzzling over his name.

Marvin waited a while before heading to the holding cells. He wasn't eager to meet a prisoner that was likely being man-handled (or rather robo-handled) in order to be treated, and it was probably taking up all the concentration from the centurions. The last thing he should do was be there and watch, making the personality modulators in the centurions turn to a nervous mood. Nervous centurions could be dangerous.

Instead, he used the time to contact his superiors. Earlier, he had sent a brief message about the irken being their solar system, as was expected. Still, it had only been an hour and he doubted that they had received the notice yet. Now that he had the irken captured, he had a good reason to personally contact his queen and inform her of the situation. She would be impressed, or at least interested, in these developments, and he hoped that it would help bring himself back into her good books. Nothing would stop him from getting his reputation back after that rabbit fiasco.

After a very successful talk with his queen, who had given him very similar orders to what he had intended to begin with, he decided to visit the interlopers where he found a scene that was very pleasing. Inside separate cells were the three, all of them effectively confined. The shelled creature laid on the ground with a shackle wrapped around his middle and crate over it with several books to weigh it down. He knew that the creature was unquestionably annoyed at its current situation and hoped that the precautions would be enough to hold it back in case it had hidden abilities.

He didn't know what to make of the small, nearby robot the irken had brought with him. When the alien had threated Marvin with it, he imagined something larger and more threatening. Yet the android sat in his cell, arms removed, with an expression of pure joy at having his foot shoved into his mouth. Damaged indeed.

However, the irken in the last cell picked up his mood somewhat. He probably shouldn't be feeling as such since bodily harm wasn't that funny and the other could have been in a lot of pain. Yet, he didn't look it. Shackled and beaten, the irken would have been a sorry sight, if it weren't for the utmost sourest expression on his face. You would have thought that Marvin must have left his mother to be eaten by acid-shooting furworms.

"Comfortable?" he inquired, taking note of the twitch in the irken's somewhat crooked antenna and the narrowed eyes.

The other's response was something that Marvin could only identify as a very low and hostile growl.

Knowing that it was extremely bad luck to gloat, he skipped it in favor of something more productive, "Now that you're here, let's talk. I'd like to know some things about your orders."

The irken stiffened, and as the seconds ticked by Marvin didn't think he would answer, but then the alien barked out a laugh, "Well there was this one time I was ordered to hand out free snacks at a seminar, and then I was commanded to go on vacation a while back. Wasn't that nice? Then I was told to dance in a-

"You know that's not what I meant," Marvin said, very annoyed. He could understand the irken's unwillingness to answer. They were both soldiers and had duties to fulfill. More importantly, loyalty was very significant among any society, and only those who followed unquestioningly could attain the most sensitive of missions. Any planet with mild intelligence would not let a loose-mouthed individual with unclear devotion off the planet. This one had to hold some very delicate information indeed in order to be so far from his own world.

"Well how am I supposed to know?" the irken complained, "It's hard to understand what you're saying with that weird voice and vague questions. How on Irk do you talk anyway? It's not telepathy is it? It better not be telepathy," he warned with a glare.

He did not have a weird voice! His voice could quiet babes, woo maidens, and make the Gods themselves cry. Or rather he was sure it would, if he ever got around to trying it on either three. Besides, the irken shouldn't go around calling people things that applied to himself.

"Don't be an imbecile," Marvin chastised. Despite feeling fairly insulted, he also felt pleased at now knowing for sure that the alien really was hiding some top-secret information. Only a person with such knowledge would make them very wary of abilities or technology that could make them unwittingly reveal their secrets.

"Zim has nothing to do with your horrible diseases!"

Marvin was unsure on whether or not the alien was joking, so he took the safer route and ignored it, "Tell me everything you have been told to do in this system and what your leader's intentions are."

"I will never betray the Empire! You might as well let me go, since you couldn't get anything out of me even if you offered me all the snacks in the universe and made Gir competent!" the other illustrated his point with a huff and leaned against the wall.

The small robot squealed at the declaration and started rolling across the floor. At the green alien's pointed look, Marvin presumed he was talking about the robot.

"You seem to assume Irken, that we will try to bribe you," Marvin noted the sobering expression on the invader's face, "If you will not confess your world's plans under my jurisdiction, I will have no choice but to turn you over to the intelligence division on my planet. Something that, I assure you, will not pleasurable in the slightest."

From his stoic expression, Marvin knew that the irken was well aware of what he was speaking of. "Fine," the alien said, "Take me to whatever planet you're from! At least I should be able to talk to someone that _isn't_ a cleaning drone."

Okay, that made the second time he was called that, and he didn't appreciate inside jokes, "What do you speak of?"

The irken turned his face away like he shouldn't be bothered to answer, yet he replied, "You look like a cleaning drone."

"Excuse me?" Marvin blinked, no more enlightened than he was before.

"You are pardoned."

He was not amused, "Stop avoiding the questions and answer."

"Hm? What questions?" the irken asked in a distracted manner, "Oh. That. Well, where I come from, wearing a broom on your head means that you're a cleaning drone."

"It's not a broom. It's commonly referred to as a plum," he explained, then asked, "Do you mean that drones are slaves?" If this was the case, it would explain why the other couldn't take him seriously. Although, he wouldn't allow it to excuse the invader's rude behavior.

Red eyes narrowed in affrontation, "Of course not! What kind of backward system do you think we have? They get paid . . . enough."

"Ah." Marvin wouldn't call it backwards, but it could think of plenty of other names to refer to it as. At least the alien was speaking, "Now tell me everything about why you are here."

He nearly jumped when the irken suddenly let out a loud cough. A long cough filled with nasty hacking noises and other overdone sounds. Just as suddenly as it started, he stopped and said with low croak, "Sorry, I can't-," another cough, "talk right now. I must have damaged my voice in the crash."

Marvin rolled his eyes, feeling more frustrated than he had in long time, "What a fortunate coincidence for you. Very well, I see that you're too stubborn to talk right now, but consider my words. You do not want someone else to lead your interrogation. If you divest your secrets to me, I can assure you that you will be treated well and possibly even released. I recommend that you reconsider what it is you want. For now, I must leave, but I will return to receive your answer."

With that, he left the room with a purposeful stride, centurion robots following closely behind.

oOo

Zim kept his mouth shut for a while after the martian left, if only to keep up appearances. Of course, his own silence didn't deter Gir from making a racket. In fact, he seemed to grow in volume to make up for his master's lack of sound.

"One little piggy-pig went to the market~! One little pig stayed HOOOOME! One huge hog had bolognA! Four-

"GIR! Be quiet! I'm trying to think!" he broke his silence quickly. Recognizing the human song, he added, "And don't sing that! You don't even have toes."

Gir gasped at this bit of news and let out a blood curdling scream, "Noooo! My toes! They're gone!" He started to cry relentlessly, grating even more on Zim's nerves.

He had to find a way to get out of this place soon. He didn't plan on going with the martian anywhere and when he left the ship, it would be to go back to Earth.

It shouldn't be too difficult to escape since he had the advantage of the martian clearly not knowing anything about irkens. If the darker being knew much and wanted to question an irken, he would have known what a drone was and would have made sure no one tried to remove his pak. Of course, having others know this was both a good thing and a bad thing. Not only that, but the holding cells were very poor. He would have at least had bars that were electrified.

Shame they had enough sense to remove his weapons belt and seal the lids on his pak. It made things a little more difficult. He couldn't call his injuries an asset either, but they were rapidly healing and the messages that his pak was sending to his brain had left only the most insistent of aches. His spine the most tender because of all the rough treatment.

Gir let out a particularly loud heartbroken sob. Clearly not over the discovery of his missing toes.

Zim sighed in exasperation, "You never had toes to begin with Gir!"

The android showed his unappreciation for Zim's uncaring attitude by howling louder, "They left meee! Come baaaack! I'll never look at another foot again!" he swore and further said, "Unless it dances in whipped cream."

A thought struck him. When they were captured, the compartment lids on both of their persons were sealed to prevent escape. Generally, in robots, these areas were located in the torso or limbs. Irken technology was very sophisticated, however, and while usually the head was saved for AI purposes, SIR units had enough room for some useful additions. Zim looked over at Gir to see if the unyielding sealant was on his head.

Sure enough, it was missing. No doubt overlooked because they didn't expect anything else to be in there. They were partially right, "Gir! Use your cranial tools to get us out of here!"

Gir paid him no mind, too focused staring at the turtle's small appendages enviously. Zim exhaled noisily, as if he were in great pain, "Gir, I know who took your toes."

"My what?"

"Your toes!" he yelled, irritated at Gir's lost expression, "The things you were crying about? The horrid martian guy took your toes! We should retrieve them!"

"Tacos?"

He would not scream. He would not scream. He would not scream. He would not scream.

"Hey, where'd my arms go? I can't eat pizza without handsies. Mastah, why you face turn blue?"

Oh screw it. He screamed.

It was a loud, anguished yell that contained every bit of his frustration and soul. It was short lived though, because as soon as it started, a loud crash emanated from the other side of the locked door.

Zim paused his indulgence of misery in favor of the curious noise. His antenna weren't working as well as he would have liked, but he knew he heard something. He didn't have long to wonder. The door was quickly opened and two shaken looking robots entered. Well, he wouldn't exactly call it _shaking,_ as it wasn't practical for robots to have that capability. Still, they did act jittery and the plums on their head were mussed up.

They cautiously held their hand-blasters at him and one asked, "Was that you?"

"Uh . . . yes," Zim released an unpleasant sounding cough, "Just, uh, you know, stretching the voice muscles. It's an organic thing."

"Oh." The two lowered their weapons and appeared to unwind. The other spoke, "Right. Well, that's fine then. We'll . . . we'll just return to our post."

Zim nodded in acknowledgement and Gir bided them farewell, commenting on how they should bring the kids over next time. The robots humored the tiny android and agreed to his rambling before they left.

When Zim was sure they had left and the door was firmly shut, he turned back to Gir, "Alright, now listen to me Gir-

Gir sat up, ramrod straight and attentive, for once.

-I need you to get me out of here. Do you understand?"

The robot glanced at something else, and Zim knew that he needed to get his attention back quick before he became obsessed over something. He knew he was going to regret this, "Gir. Look at me. I need to tell you something . . . I am a taco."

If Gir's sudden, unnecessary inhalation was anything to go by, he understood. Then the android did something Zim didn't know he could do—he whispered.

"I knew it all along."

He considered taking it back. Gir was looking at him in a wide stare, as if Zim would disappear if he looked away. It was kind of creepy actually.

He tentatively said, "Gir. Free the taco."

Gir turned red and hopped to his feet with a look of determination, "Yes, my Lord! I obey!"

Where did the_ Lord_ come from? He supposed he shouldn't complain.

The robot jumped to the bars and activated a buzz-saw from his head. Primitive earth saws were noisy, but the superior, sharpened metal made the cutting quiet with only the gentle hum of a motor to hear. Before two bars of the cell could fall to the floor with a loud clang, Zim stretched out his leg to cushion the landing and lowered them softly to the ground.

When Gir had cut his chains loose, Zim stood and stretched, sighing as he felt his spine give a much needed pop. He checked his arm closer. The cast got in the way so he wasn't sure on how bad it really was. The robo-doctors had decided that patient confidentiality shouldn't apply to the patient. It didn't really hurt anymore, as his pak determined that he wasn't ready to feel full sensation from it yet. He chose to keep it on despite how troublesome and limiting it felt, "Good job Gir. Now we can get out and stop that martian. First though, we'll have to- Gir? Your still in duty mode?"

As soon as he said it, Gir's eyes faded back to an innocent blue and a wide smile made its way onto his face. Zim didn't have a chance to escape the robot as Gir latched onto his leg and a sharp pain blossomed there, "Ow ow ow ow! Gir! Release me! Stop biting I say!" he hissed, glancing at the door in apprehension. With a mighty tug, he managed to pry off the robot before severe damage was done.

Gir ran around the cell laughing loudly. Zim wasn't worried about Gir making noise, the robots outside knew that Gir wasn't exactly stable.

He detached his pak and brought it before him, trying to scratch off the sealant before the rest of the ship went on alert. Actually, he wasn't particularly worried about the guards coming. There were video feeds in the room, but whoever was watching them wasn't very good at their job if no one had burst in the moment Gir set him free, or even when he was about to be eaten.

Still, the sealant wasn't coming off easy and Zim didn't want to waste more time. Before Gir could do another lap around the cell, he snagged him and pulled open his head plate.

"AaaaAAaagh! My brain!" Gir screamed as Zim dug into his head. He wondered if Gir had any sense of preservation with that smile on his face.

Finding what he was searching for, Zim pulled free a laser and released Gir. With the crude laser he managed to weaken the sealant on his pak enough for him to crack it open like some large egg. And in good time too, considering he hadn't felt himself weaken.

Now with access to his own weaponry, he made short work of doing the same to Gir. With that done, he cut through any bars that got in the way and located the cameras.

They were made from a different kind of technology that he didn't have the time to try to understand, so he wasn't able to interface with them and create a video loop as he had hoped. Going for the next best choice, he destroyed them. Knowing that whoever was monitoring the videos wouldn't be inattentive for long to something so blatant, he went to the nearest air duct and crawled in, pointedly leaving Gir behind. The android would make an excellent distraction when security did come to apprehend him.

"Gir," the robot swiveled to face him, "Don't distract anyone who comes looking for me, okay?"

"Yes, my master!" Again he saluted, then immediately proceeded to roll on the ground, screaming about wanting to look presentable for Pig.

He hoped the reverse orders would work, but tried not to put too much faith in it since Gir would surprise him the moment he did.

Zim closed the grate he had removed behind him, wanting to leave as little of a trail as possible. Even though air ducts were a popular way to move about and he had to move quickly before someone activated any traps in the ventilation system. But this way, it miht buy time and confuse them for a bit.

Then again, it was a pretty tight inside, the top brushed against his antenna in an uncomfortable way. They may not be expecting someone to be able to use vents for travel. A thought he dismissed quickly since the martian he met was smaller than himself. Of course there had to be traps if even one of their own could crawl through it.

For a brief moment, he considered himself lucky to be small and able to escape this way, but then when common sense came back to him, he squashed the thought like a roach that had crawled out of something nasty.

It took twenty minutes of crawling for him to realize that there weren't any traps and he quietly snickered at the foolishness of the other species. He also realized that going through a vent in a cast was incredibly annoying and he was highly tempted to rip it off. It was a miracle that he hadn't been captured again with all the noise it was making. He would have again thought himself lucky for this small blessing when he shortly began to realize that he was utterly lost and probably had to turn back.

After a little more crawling, he stopped when he heard voices from below.

"-thing?" a robotic voice seemed to ask something.

"No. If I had, I would have told you the moment I saw you," another voice said.

"Has anyone checked the supply closets?"

"I think J-4 did. Can't anyone just ask that robot the irken came with? Didn't he leave him behind? Maybe he'd know something."

Zim listened carefully and was thankful that there were only two of them below. It was confusing enough when they all had the exact same voice.

"The Commander is questioning him right now, but I doubt he'll get anything useful. The poor thing's damaged too badly to tell a nut from a bolt. What about the space modulator weapon room?"

"It was clear. I think I'll check the break room now."

"The Commander said that we aren't allowed in the break room during the search."

"Why not?"

"Because he caught F-14 in the break room last week when he was supposed to be cleaning the floors. Now he's got it into his head that we all go to the break room on the job whenever we think we can get away with it."

"You mean we don't?"

"You know what I mean. Anyway, I need you to guard this room, the Commander thinks that the irken will show up here for his stuff."

Zim considered. He actually had planned on looking for the weapon that the martian would use and dismantle it, or just find the martian and dismantle him, but getting his things first would make it much easier.

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm supposed to go to the engine room and check that the modulator is getting enough power."

"SUCCESS!" Zim cried. Engine rooms were easy to find since they were usually the largest place on the ship and were located at the back. Unfortunately, the robots couldn't ignore the shout even if they had the poorest of listening capabilities, and they turned to the noise. He clasped his hands over his mouth when he realized his mistake. It was too late to take it back, however, because the robots didn't hesitate to shoot at the ceiling.

* * *

Spinal injuries can't be fun. Nope. Better watch out Marvin. Don't think some petty spine problems can hold back Zim. Zim better be careful though, Marvin's pretty capable. Zim might have a bunch of neat weapons and gadgets, Marvin has his own gizmos and has good aim with a gun.

Actually, when reviewing the two characters, you realize that they have alot in common. Both are aliens, have "side-kicks", their own space ship, part of the military, their both short (personally, I think Zim's taller because when you watch Looney Tunes: Back in Action, Marvin is about two feet tall), their both scientists in their free time, and both of their societies find that men wearing skirts is nothing out of the ordinary. I guess that's why Zim has no qualm's about dressing as a woman and hiding things under his dress. XD

I've recently found that while fanfiction for IZxLooney Tunes is veeeery low, there's alot of fanart for Marvin and Zim. They have quite a bit of stuff where they are fighting and it's amazing! Wowza! Check some stuff out on deviantart, it's reeeally cooool.


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